Where does my heart go?

I've been with working with this one department in one and only university in Penang. Basically i'm managing cultural event that endorsed by our university. My part are mainly building contacts, public relation work, promote and market our department and at the same time trying to get sponsorship from other companies outside. To get higher KPI or KIP, we are supposed to get as high income as we can and bring it in to our department. 

Well, I've been working for almost 3 months as a cultural officer in this department. I like it sometimes, but most of the times I'm flooded with boredom. Not sure whether it is because of the working environment or my job scope. As usual I'm a bit lost at the moment. Feel that something is pulling me down. My mind and action are not free. I've been told by so many friends to get out of the university. Go out and face the world! But due to my lack of confidence, I pulled back myself. I should have taken the step out to the world long before! I should have done it earlier! This year (2011) is considered my 7 years here. Singing, acting, doing research, representing university in sports day, all that I've done since I stepped in here. I'm pampered by the university, things here are easy to get. Less challenges, the working environment is so laid back, the staff in the department are spoon feed that makes them so lazy to do other task if they are not asked. No initiative at all! My friend told me I was a different person after I worked with this department. I'm pulled down, I have different way of thinking, close-minded, etc. OMG. When I think back, yes, I am! It happened so fast. I dont even know what is pulling me down here. Still looking, still searching.. and still observing.. 

I was a different person last few months, or last few years. I'm not the kind of girl that could just sit and relax. I was energetic person, open-minded,independent and not easily influenced, but it has changed now. What can I do to see myself clearly? I want to go out from this country. That has been in my plan since I was born. I want to go out and face the cruel world. But why am I still here? My friends are going out to chase their dreams. And I'm here left alone. 

Chase your dreams! Wake up! Dont let anyone stop u and pull u down! Be strong! Be brave! and be faithful to yourself! That's in my mind now. And a small part of my heart saying "Andy, you are stupid for not doing it earlier. " Bla... bla.. bla.. But It's never too late for anything. I'll make an improvement on myself. 

You will see it. 

Andy Siti

Save Water For Life.

I just came back from this event called "World Water Day 2011". It's an annual event organized by Water Watch Penang and was held at Taman Metropolitan, Relau. I was the emcee for the event. At first, I was so nervous when Prof. Chan, the President of Water Watch Penang asked me do it. I just said yes, but didn't really want to do it. Being an emcee is my fear. I use to reject few offers that  offered me to become the emcee for one particular event. Reason is, that's my biggest fear! But thanks to my best friends Nawal and Christina who were there to help me during the scripting. Now I really enjoy becoming an emcee. The best thing is, I finally overcome my fear!!! Yeah!!! 

The event went well. Over 200 hundreds of kids participated in the Watercolour Painting Competition. There were 5 categories, and each categories were divided into certain age group. The winners walked away with bicycles! What a nice gift. 

The event was recommended at the 1992 United Nation Conference  on Environment and Development (UNICED) in Rio de Jenerio, Brazil. The United Nation General Assembly then responded by designating 22 March 1993 as the 1st World Water Day and since then, it has become an important date where the event is held annually. The purpose for this event is to  focus attention and to create awareness about the importance of fresh water and the importance of sustainable management of freshwater resources in the world. 

97.5% of the water on earth are salt water and the remaining 2.5% is freshwater of which two-thirds is frozen that leaves only 1% or 2.8 million trillion liters of water for all the plants, animal and 6.9 billion of human being living on our planet today. The scariest fact is, water is limited.

In Penang, we are completely relying only to one source which is the Sungai Muda for 80% of our raw water. Raw rain water is obviously free, but treated tap water costs money.To develop a second raw water source for example like new dams, pump stations or reservoirs, it will take years and million or even billions of ringgit just for the sake of it.  Raw water needs to be stored and treated before it is supplied to our tap at home or office. Water supply costs, including electricity, chemical, maintenance and manpower costs have increased by 64% in the past 10 years and it will definitely increase each passing year. In a research that was conducted by PBAPP, out metered water consumption increased by 45.9% from 536 million liters per day in 1999 to 782 million liters per day in 2010. This means that water consumption in Penang increased by average of 3.8% per annum in the past 12 years, and it will continue to increase each year. 

Each year we have this campaign of creating awareness about the importance of fresh water, but yet the water consumption is still increasing. The rivers are still polluted with rubbish, and I have to agree with an officer from the Department of Irrigation and Drainage (Penang) said that yes our river is polluted, but yet our people are more polluted. Can't they even think of the consequences after throwing rubbish in the river? Pity this kind of people. They should have come to this event and educate themselves about environment. 

Penang Government are subsidizing our water bills for charging us the lowest water tariff in Malaysia. However, they will impose a surcharge for any individuals, or companies that are consuming more than 35,000 litter a month, by charging them RM 0.24 for every 1,000 litter (1 cubic meter). Yeah it's good for some people but for me, the government should have increased the water surcharge for the Penangites. Maybe RM1 for every cubic meter of water. If they have to use more, they have to pay more, and that is fair. If the water is subsidized, people will take it for granted and waste more water instead coz they dont care about saving water. And this will not encourage water saving amongst consumers in Penang. In Malaysia, people are using 300 litters/capita/day daily, and it's almost double the benchmark that was recommended by the United Nation (UN) which is 165 LCD. While in Singapore, they are using only 150 LCD per day, in India 100 LCD per day and in Africa 50 LCD per day! Selangor government subsidize 1.5 million household  'free water' (less than 20 cubic meter) due to their election promise while it is a state which is running out of water and have to buy water from Pahang. Ironic? Absolutely. 

So guys, let us be a caring society. Save water for life. Make every drop counts. Water is vital in life, so save as much water as you can because we never know what lies ahead. We can change the world if we start saving water from now. For our family, and for our future. 

Think about our future. We can make a change. 

Resources:

• Articles by Prof. Chan Ngai Weng, President of Water Watch Penang
• Water Supply Corporation (PBAPP)
• www.waterwatchpenang.org 
• www.unwater.org
• The Star Newspaper articles

Apalah nasib kamu.

Aku kesian mengingatkan nasib orang2 kampung Pasir Putih, Tawau yang baru-baru ni dilanda banjir. Sedih aku melihat nasib mereka selepas kejadian ni berlaku. Banjir teruk yang melanda kampung ku ni memang sangat dasyat sehingga mengakibatkan orang kampung kehilangan harta benda, rumah, kereta. Lepas habis banjir, kebakaran pulak yang terjadi akibat litar pintas. Apa lah nak jadi dengan nasib orang kampung ni. But I believe, there's always a blessing in disguise.

The flash flood hit the village on the 29th July 2010. Last year, just a few days before my performance at the Royal Concert held in USM. But surprisingly, up till today, there's no changes in the village. Flood still going on. It now becomes a routine. Sad sad sad. Aku pelik jugak kenapa kampung ni tak dibantu. Siapa yang nak dipersalahkan? Since aku dah lama tak balik kampung, jadi aku pun tak tau apa kesinambungan cerita banjir kilat ni. Aku hanya mampu membantu dari jauh saja. Dari USM. Kau bayangkan, merentasi laut lagi kami bantu. Itu pun dak mencukupi. Betul kata Ketua Kampung pasir putih, kita bagi berapa pun tak pernah akan mencukupi.Apa2 pun, aku mengharapkan agar orang2 besar Pasir putih will open up their eyes. 

Only God knows how we feel.

Angry person.

I recently discovered about myself. I'm a super angry woman. When I'm angry I feel like smashing and punching someone on their face. Really. I'm totally controlling my anger now. I told my friend yesterday, "I can't contain this enragement anymore."

I figured maybe it was caused by events that happened in my days recently. I was pissed off, clueless, and angry! What the hell! Argh. I've never punched anyone on their face before, but now I really want to do it. Wall. Yeah. Wall, I punched u before. What a relief. But never seem to be enough. 

All the swearing words were out from my mouth. F**k. What the hell. Out of my mind. Anger shooh u! 

What a different person I am now. I think all this while I've been containing my anger. I had a full bag of patience last time. Last year. FULL. PACKED with PATIENCE. Now I dont have it anymore.  Why? Coz it's exploding!!!! 

What the hell. F**k.

Rational. Come here u. 

Miscommunication.

I wish I were a tree, I wish I was a tree. Whatever the grammar is, what I really mean is I don’t want to hear anything. I just want to be still, no feelings. But I can’t. It is just not me. I sometimes wonder, am I a good friend, am I a good listener, did I or have I made my friend happy, am I an ignorant person? Coz my mind is too messed up with this conflict now. Way too messed up. And I wish I were a tree. For a moment.

I don’t know how to mend this heart. I feel depressed. This whole week is a test for me. I hate myself for being like this. How many people have I ignored, how many people that I have made to tears? Sometimes, I just don’t know how to handle it. Only tears. Tears are like my best friend now. Sometimes it doesn’t want to flow out as usual, coz my heart feels hurt.

I am just being myself. But now, it is almost like everyone misunderstands me. Or am I thinking too much? Sigh. Pitiful. Silence is golden, my best friend said. Ya, Maybe I should be. It’s better than talking and misunderstood by anyone. Coz it’s hurtful.

Silent is the way. Probably.

What an emotional night.

I have tonnes of things to achieve this year. As usual, things that u plan are not necessarily achievable. It takes time and effort to realize your plan. The days that I've been through last year taught me a lot of things. A lot. Patience, courage, responsibilities.. The qualities to become a better person. I was told by my real good friends, I was not the person they used to know. Time has changed me. From what they told, it seemed to be ugly. And honestly, it was ugly. I was not Andy like they used to know. For some reason, I have to admit. I'm thankful and grateful for the people around me. Best friends, they are the only persons that know me so well. U guys are my family here. Even though some of u are not here with me, u know u guys are always in my heart. 

Nawal and Aj Don. U guys are already in my blood since we became so close together, u guys have seen everything about me. In and Out. Thanks for being such wonderful friends all this while and  during my days as a student. U guys have actually made me a different person. A better one of course. Totally different, and I love you guys so much. 

Fatin Osman, though I only knew u for awhile, it's like i've known u forever. I have to admit what Encik Ketchup told me, I'm lucky to have u as a friend. And I'm sad that u are not here, but there's always a blessing in disguise. U r there for some reasons. Good one I hope. But even u r so far, I can feel u here. Thanks for lending me ur shoulders and shared the tears with me all this while. I hope u'll be happy always. Ich habe dich liebt Fatin Osman.

Christina Wang, my twin, my colours, my sleeping partner when I'm scared, my bolster and my adorable pet.. who is always there for me. Thank you for sharing with me everything about life. U know that's our fav topic. And that's the only topic that we never get bored with to the extend of talking about it 24/7. So much similarities we have. Mahal na mahal kita pok. 

Thambi, my beloved adek. One of the guys that I could really trust. Always caring for us, and never tired of asking if we have reached home after meeting him. I highly admire ur care, ur support and you, as a son. U can really be a good father and a husband, and ur wife will be so lucky to have u in her life. Kaddelikirei thambi.

Naim,  Thank you for giving me opportunities to sing ur beautiful tunes. It was hard at first to work with u, but I like challenges. I found it very challenging working with u, so I considered myself having achieved something whenever u r satisfied with my work, or my singing. I'm so glad that we have worked something out. I'm honestly inspired by you to make music. U r one of the persons that I highly respect. Thank you so much. Love u beb. Muah!

Arja Lee and YK, these are the two people that always make me laugh. Thank you for cheering up my days. 

Lovers come and go, but friends remain forever. 

I love you guys. From the bottom of my heart.

The story behind bloggers.

I'm not capable of writing any good stories. I'm here just to share my thoughts. I don't know who is going to read this, but as far as I am concerned, there's only me. Or Nawal probably. Sharing thoughts/ideas in blogs, that's the easiest way to convey whatever feelings they have inside.

There are bloggers in this world that write stories about people. Criticizing, backstabbing etc. For me, whatever the blogger is writing is for their own satisfaction. Probably they dont have the courage to speak out, so they write. Or they speak out, but it doesnt satisfy them, so they write.

Anyway, I'm not a good blogger. I just write whenever I have free time, or feel like becoming a writer. I used to write before, but my interest in writing has stopped. Dnt ask me why. Hopefully, this year I can write more. I'm sure I have lotsa things to share with u all.

I should have a concept in every post that I'll make. Bukan macam ni. This is merapu.

End.